Meeting single men in small cities is hard for seniors. Internet dating in small cities may be the only answer
By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50
Judy wants to remarry
Mid-life singles often complain about how hard it is to meet potential partners, even though they live in major cities and heavily populated areas. But, when compared to singles living in towns and remote areas, big-city singles are sitting on a gold mine of dating opportunity, even though they may not realize it.
Judy, 57, widowed for four years after a 30-year marriage, isn't as fortunate as women living in a city like Los Angeles, for example. She resides in a small city (Bishop) on the Eastern slope of the Sierras, where single men are fewer than the population of California brown bears.
She wrote, "I need help with a man I have been seeing. After sometime in our relationship, I felt the need to tell him I loved him.
"Why did you feel the need to tell him that?" I asked
Judy said: "I want to be married again, I hate being alone. I am so confused!" She asked for advice.
How did he react to her love proclamation?
"He told me, by email, that he will never fall in love with a woman, a house, or a car, because all will take your money."
I'm sure the man's response wasn't the one Judy was hoping to hear. She said he still has wounds from a divorce of several years ago.
Judy explained her feelings for him: "He is very well off, a marvelous dancer and we have a good time together. He is 62 and has no children. He has a couple of houses where I live in Northern CA and numerous houses in So. Cal, so he spends most of his time down there."
After she told him she loved him, they didn't see each other for a month. "But now we have started getting together again when he is in town," Judy added.
It seems Judy's only opportunity for romance is when he rides into town. And this is where singles living in more populated areas have an advantage over her. If they are willing to get out and get involved in activities they enjoy, every time they go out they have a chance to meet a potential mate.
But in Judy's case, with the man shortage, she's kind of stuck in the wilderness so to speak. And as long as she continues to live in the mountains, her loneliness likely won't go away and her wish to remarry won't be fulfilled.
I told her: "This guy isn't your answer. When he tells you he will never fall in love, he means it. When you told him you loved him, look what happened--he withdrew for a month.
"He sees you 'when he's in town,' and why not? You're a warm body to snuggle with. For him, that beats dining or drinking alone in Duffy's Tavern, with the stuffed moose head mounted on the wall staring down on him."
Should Judy dump the guy and move on? Probably not.
I said, "Since you have fun together, continue seeing him but with no expectations of a commitment."
Internet dating in small cites
In small cities, the Internet may be the only way to meet a man. I suggested she try that. There could be a nice gentleman in her area who would love to meet her, or a fly fisherman from Los Angeles or San Diego who would like an excuse to relocate.
I added: "If you're loneliness overwhelms you, consider moving to a city with a larger population, where there are more single men."
Easier said than done, I realize. But for people who live in remote areas, internet dating or moving may be their only way for finding a mate.
When it comes to meeting potential partners, big-city singles have it made-well, at least, when compared to Judy.