Senior men speak their minds about dating, and why senior men aren’t relationship material. A column from 2013 is featured again in 2016.
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
A woman wrote this week, asking why I don’t write more often about what our male Champs have to say about women and dating. I had just reread a column that originally ran on January 25, 2013, titled “Older single men speak their minds on dating and life.” I rerun it here, in 2016.
Over the last few weeks, I have archived emails from men who shared their views on several senior dating issues I’ve recently written about: honesty, the age difference, attitude and looking younger than one's age.
Many of the men's emails were in response to newsletter comments from women. One item in particular--a list of why senior men aren't relationship material--triggered, of course, strong responses from men.
Our male Champs may not speak up as much as our women Champs, but when they are provoked, they do. By including what men say in today's newsletter, I am not saying these men are right or wrong, but just showing how a smattering of older guys think on a variety of topics that deal with women.
Dave, Michigan, said, "The list you provided describing what women say about men (reasons why they are not relationship material) is identical to the list for what men say about women."
Bob, San Clemente, California, speaking on the same topic, emailed, "The answer seems simple. It is up to the pursuer to be able to figure a way to satisfy the pursued. I learned this from my dad, when I was a teenager.
"Find out what is important to the other person and adapt to that. If you can't adapt, they are not for you. If they are worthy, they will respond and they will also adapt. You are not going to change a senior citizen's mindset or personality. Practice 'Thee before me.'"
Wayne, South Orange County, California: "It's not only about looking younger for me, but to find a soul mate that thinks and acts young. I like to date women who don't have a lot of clutter. By that I mean, we all have daily issues to deal with, but I like women who have nice families, are financially independent and active physically.
"I don't want to inherit somebody's problems. I have worked hard to raise good kids, their college is paid for, and I have my own business with a good retirement, when I decide to hang up my spikes."
Ron, a "happily married" man of 18 years, feels the ratio of more single women than men may be caused by a variety of 13 factors, which he lists here:
1. Men who want a relationship remain married or remarry
2. Single men are single because they want to be. Many men have had terrible divorces and do not want to commit to another long-term relationship
3. Many women are stingy
4. In social situations, women congregate in groups and make themselves difficult to approach
5. Women, at times, are rude if they don't like the appearance of a man at an initial encounter. Men are not as likely to take the risk of rejection
6. While in a group, women don't do well in including men in conversations. They don't talk about anything interesting to a man
7. Women are unwilling to participate with men in the things men like to do
8. Older women are grumpy
9. Older women don't have a good sense of humor
10. Older women don't want to have sex
11. Older women are too focused on the man's money
12. Many men feel women nag and are bossy
13. Many women have negative things to say about men and are bitter. Men are wary of that.
Larry, Rancho Santa Margarita, California: "As far as attitude, a woman needs to make herself happy. A 'genuine' positive and happy attitude will go a long way in attracting a man. A man cannot create a happy attitude for a woman. Many women on social sites state: 'I want to find a man who will make me smile, or who will make me happy.' If a woman is not already happy, what man would want to meet her?
"Mutual compatibility on issues such as religion, politics, sex and musical appreciation will be a Big Plus."
Terry, a former plumber, who spends much time in Thailand, said: "Your newsletter reminded me of a customer complaint I handled years ago. On the telephone, I talked with a lady who told me all of the things that our plumber did wrong at her home. I listened and listened and asked her if there was anything else, and listened more.
"When she finished, I explained it was my job to make her happy and asked what I could do to make her happy. She said, 'I don't want to be happy. I just want to complain.' And the world goes round..."
John, Maryland, who is older than the woman he dates, says, "I am always upfront with my actual age. Finding a relationship should depend on how two people feel about each other and their level of interaction and comfort rather than just checking boxes on age ranges, income levels, and other peripheral factors. I want a relationship with a real person, not just a statistical match."
Art, Florida, who does not lie about his age, says, "I prefer to date a woman who is retired--as I am--and who has plenty of free time to enjoy activities during the week. Being in my 70s has not hampered my ability to attract and meet women, and in some ways, may have even enhanced it. Age is as much of an attitude as it is a chronological fact."
The above are what some men have shared over the last few weeks. I didn't feature them to irritate women, but rather to show why the Mars and Venus phenomenon still exists between the sexes.