Lying about home ownership or where one lives is ridiculous according to our readers. Singles should not lie about home ownership.
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
It's unanimous: Judie should not lie about where she lives
Last week, Judie wanted to know if she should lie about not owning her own home, after a man she was dating abruptly changed his attitude toward her when he saw that she lived in an 851 square feet apartment.
Judie mentioned that the man, who wore Italian silk suits every day, was a no-show for a date he had made with her for the next night.
We asked for opinions and boy did we get an earful-more than 75 responses. Everyone agreed that the guy was rude and a jerk for being a no-show.
And everyone agreed that lying about where one lives or home ownership is ridiculous. No one sanctioned that. Jeri emailed, "Do people think they are going to find a sincere, genuine relationship when they have to lie to get the person to be interested in them? Why would you want a relationship that is paved with eggshells and landmines?"
Jennifer, California, said, "No, of course Judie shouldn't lie about her housing situation. The guy was probably a gold digger and when he saw she didn't have much money, he left. Mr. Italian Suit may fancy himself a gigolo and is probably looking for someone to keep him.
"It's a good thing she didn't spend much time on him. The purpose of dating is to find out about the other person, and she found out fast. Sometimes, it's hard to accept that there are cold-hearted people like him in the world."
Other issues surfaced as well
While lying about where you live is out, lying about age remains ok with some. Jane Ann, Michigan, said, "I endorse not telling the truth about age in a profile." Irene: "Lying about age is not as serious." And John, Maryland, said, "Lying about age is a different thing and sometimes understandable as well as forgivable."
Liz, Illinois, "How he responded to Jane's apartment had everything to do with him and nothing to do with her." Marta emailed from Lima, Peru, "TO HELL WITH HIM!"
Several asked if Judie ever saw his place, including ML, who added "I wonder if the guy is as well off as he claimed. Perhaps, he's looking for a gal with money to support him?"
Jeanette added, "Maybe he lived in the back of a camper and was looking for a rich lady to take care of him."
Dan put a humorous spin on the topic, "Life teaches us a few things. Lying? Why bother? I can't remember too many things already, why add to the list?
"I wonder if there was something else that scared her suitor away. The dungeon room perhaps? Hundreds of candid photos of him taped to the wall? Maybe that special doggy sunk his teeth into Mr. Dog Lover when she wasn't looking?"
Dan's right. Perhaps there was something about how Judie kept her home that was a turn off to him. But, I can't imagine that a woman wouldn't have her residence in immaculate condition for when a man she's interested in visits. Plus, Judie sounds like a pretty together woman, so most likely, it was where she lived that didn't sit well with him-his loss.
Living in a Greenwich Village apartment she considers the center of the universe, Shirley, said, "No one has to apologize for living in any place. I pity all those homeowners these days with mortgages they cannot afford and lifestyles they cannot sustain. This American myth that one gets married and buys a home is nonsense. Never apologize for who you are and what you own."
Peggy experienced another jerk: "I once met a man (through It's Just Lunch) who walked out after 30 minutes when he found out I had a Saturn VUE. He said he had a Mercedes. Good riddance! In light of the present high cost of gasoline, I hope he's enjoying his Mercedes."
Rebecca added, "Perhaps he figured Judie would have little to offer financially."
Kathryn summed it up well for Judie: "Be patient. A decent, loving man will not care if you rent or own. My guess is he might be a tad concerned if your homemaking and housekeeping skills are intact, far more than if your name is on the dotted line."
It would have been helpful to have the Italian-suit man's point of view. But, my instinct tells me he would have taken the Fifth in light of his behavior. Can you imagine if he knew that today, a couple thousand of you have him under a microscope? And what you see isn't pretty.