A woman asked, "Where are all of the good men?" “Is there such a thing as love after 50?” She feels her “dancing in the rain” attitude intimidates men.
December 22, 2016
What's this it
Champ Kathleen emailed, "I am a 67-year-old retired female, a product of the 50s, 60s and 70s and all that it entails...the good - the bad - and the fun years! There was always a man in my life from first grade on: married twice, lived with four men and enjoyed many wonderful love affairs.
"I have been single and living without a man for many years and loving it but at the back of my mind is a thought of maybe once again including the male persuasion. Question: Where are all the good men?
"I have recently tried to re-connect with men from my past, four of them, and the old saying 'you can't go home again' applies. Match.com brought men into my life who were not truthful and a waste of time.
em about? What makes it interesting? Write a catchy description to grab your audience's attention...
Meeting single men in small cities is hard for seniors. Internet dating in small cities may be the only answer
December 01, 2016
Mid-life singles often complain about how hard it is to meet potential partners, even though they live in major cities and heavily populated areas. But, when compared to singles living in towns and remote areas, big-city singles are sitting on a gold mine of dating opportunity, even though they may not realize it.
Judy, 57, widowed for four years after a 30-year marriage, isn't as fortunate as women living in a city like Los Angeles, for example. She resides in a small city (Bishop) on the Eastern slope of the Sierras, where single men are fewer than the population of California brown bears.
She wrote, "I need help with a man I have been seeing. After sometime in our relationship, I felt the need to tell him I loved him.
"Why did you feel the need to tell him that?" I asked
Judy said: "I want to be married again, I hate being alone. I am so confused!" She asked for advice.
How did he react to her love proclamation?
Small Towns are dead-ends for singles seeking mates. Seven women speak on living in rural areas and meeting men
December 01, 2016
The focus of last week's column grew beyond meeting men in small towns to dealing with being single regardless of where one lives. Seven women share their philosophies.
Judy, 66, said, "I live alone, work alone and live in a small town. I guess the odds are against me.
"In almost a year online (two sites), I have met only one person. I have tried different photos and extended the acceptable areas. When those sites come up for renewal, I am letting them lapse.
"I bowl in a league and volunteer at the local blood bank. I do not feel bad about my life, but I am realistic."
Behind the doctor's mask, is a lonely doctor-widower who can’t meet anyone in New Zealand. He feels the pain of being lonely.
December 01, 2016
Note from Tom: This newsletter was written in 2009. Now, in 2016, there is no charge for the newsletter.
To keep this newsletter financially viable, I need to continually add new subscribers. Hence, I offer a no-cost, four-week trial to people who land on my website home page. Several people sign up for the trial every day. Converting them to paid subscribers at the end of the trial is a challenge as we see from the following email exchange between a guy named JR and me.
JR wrote, "Thank you for the 4-week trial. In all honesty, what do you try to achieve with your newsletters? I didn't find love nor any advice as to what to do about it. So, thanks, but no thanks."
When that email came in, it made me angry. My gosh, the trial is free. I felt JR's email was a personal attack, and I was tempted to respond with a zinger. But what good would that have done? I thought, how do I keep this guy as a reader? So, I emailed back:
Tips on where to go to meet men: meeting new people is vital to finding a mate.
December 01, 2016
Part 1 – A woman from Los Angeles asks about meeting men.
Cheryl emailed, "I live in the Los Angeles area, am widowed, attractive and easy to get along with, and have a modicum of intelligence to boot!
"Will your organization offer me some venues to meet nice, respectful men in my age group? I'll be 62 in a couple of weeks. I work full-time. I'm still raring to go. I'm just not sure WHERE to go. I don't do internet dating."
Senior men ask: “Where are the senior women?” It’s the men’s turn to vent about what’s wrong with single senior women.
December 01, 2016
Our men Champs aren't pansies. They may be reticent to speak up, but they're out there and they have opinions. Strong opinions. It just takes a nudge, something that doesn't quite sit right with them, to get them talking. And last week's comments from women in eight different states about "Where are the men?" was that nudge. Today, the men get equal time.
Ken, Alabama, said, "Today is my 54th birthday. I'm still single after losing my wife to a heart attack 15 years ago. Well, ladies, 'Where are the men?' We are here. You are just too DAMN picky.
Where to go to meet successful senior men? Defining the word successful
October 16, 2016
Last week, I was right and I was wrong. Remember Bill, the guy who launched a diatribe based on Diane's question about where to go to meet successful men?
I was right because it made many of you angry. I was wrong because it didn't make many of you angry. You simply laughed at what many of you perceived as a bitter, cynical man. Mary wondered, "Who spit in Bill's Wheaties?"
Linda said, "He's probably overweight, bald and 75, still single and miserable." Cheryl said he needs to get a dog-the only thing that would love him.
The question, “Where are the successful senior men?” triggers a man’s rant
October 16, 2016
This week, my "Single Again" column in The Orange County Register--the nation's 20th largest newspaper--addressed an issue women frequently inquire about: where are the quality senior men?
A woman named Diane asked a question that inspired the column. When I submitted it to the newspaper, I felt good about it, thinking it would be helpful to Diane and other single women who were also wondering where to meet quality men. I thought single women might respond, thanking me for such sage advice.
I sure misjudged the reception. It was the men who responded and they weren't very nice. Here are the two paragraphs Diane wrote that angered the men.
Finding Love in rural areas
September 18, 2016
Last week, we wrote about Gretchen who, after her divorce, moved from Atlanta to a small farming community in the Midwest to be near her daughter. But, she isn't meeting any men. Many of you responded with sage advice. She wondered what she should do to meet men. Finding love in rural areas is difficult.
Two women named Joan responded. The first Joan said, "If you want to find a mate, move back to Atlanta and spend your money flying out to see your daughter. That would give you an opportunity to find active singles groups who travel the world and share all kinds of interests."
Where is a good place to meet men in their 60s?
September 17, 2016
In the 18 years I've been writing about finding love after 50, I've been asked "Where are the single men?" an estimated 400 times or more. And that's a conservative number.
Often, the women who ask this question provide no information about themselves other than maybe their city and state. It's difficult to answer them without knowing more about what they do to socialize, whether they are widowed or divorced, or how long they've been single. They just want the magic answer to where they can meet men.
Where Are The Single Men?
September 13, 2002
Note From Tom: This column about where are the single men, was initially published in 2002. Now, in 2016, I am amazed that the same question remains at the forefront of women’s minds. And I hear it much more frequently in 2016.
In the comments section of last week's column (published October 3, 2003)
Sandy, San Clemente, California, asked, "Where are the single men mid - to late 40s?"
Dating in the workplace is risky business
August 21, 2016
As singles grow older, finding people to date becomes progressively more difficult. Singles need to be creative in searching out places to meet other singles.
Peggy, of Anaheim e-mailed, "Work is a great place to meet men. What are the downfalls of dating within the workplace?"
Meeting quality men is biggest dating challenge for midlife single women
August 04, 2016
Single women age 50+ say the biggest dating challenge they face is meeting quality men.
Stephanie e-mailed, "I am a 50-year-old single woman living in Costa Mesa. I've been divorced for 10 years, am in great shape, very young for my age, a successful entrepreneur and have a super-hard time meeting quality men.
"I love my life but would truly enjoy meeting a top-quality Mr. Right instead of just a Mr. Right Now." Stephanie isn't alone, the biggest dating challenge for nearly all midlife single women is meeting quality men.
Coffee and a name card can break the ice
August 04, 2016
Mike is single, shy and finds striking up a conversation with women difficult. "Without some outside occurrence causing an 'opening,' saying hello seems too forced or cliché-like," says Mike.
He's not alone. Shyness affects men and women. What are some ways to break the ice if you want to meet a stranger to whom you're attracted?
I suggested to Mike that he say, "If you're single, would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?" If the woman hesitates, hand her a business card and say, "I don't ask women to call me, but if you think about my offer and decide having coffee would be OK, you'll know how to reach me.”
Get off the couch and out of the house
August 04, 2016
Note from Tom: This article was originally published in October, 2002, and has been updated in 2016. The underlying message is as important today as it was then.
Tim, an Orange County, California, resident is concerned about his 72-year-old mother. She was widowed several months ago and is living alone, and Tim feels she's isolating herself by staying home too much.